Shopping Cart Confession

Do you find yourself indulging in treats when you feel down? I try not to but there are those days. I don’t want to admit what my shopping cart looked like on the 4th of July weekend. I don’t want to, but I will.

I went a little crazy. I felt a little depressed about some happenings in my family and somehow, a gluten free (tiny!) cherry pie leapt into my cart. I say tiny but the diminutive thing claimed it was actually supposed to serve 4 people. Gluten free pie manufacturers are hilarious! For the record, my husband and I did cut it into 4 pieces and eat it over two days. Of course, I had cherry pie in the cart so I had to add a container of gluten free vanilla ice cream. There was also some gluten free coffee cake. I reasoned that it was a holiday after all. Wasn’t everyone having something decadent?

I feel bad but I also feel like I shouldn’t feel bad. Many people can throw baked goods into their carts without beating themselves up over it. If that wasn’t true I doubt there would be bakery sections bursting with goodies in every supermarket. I want to have treats from time-to-time too. It’s hard to pass aisle after aisle of the grocery store when you have celiac and Type 1 diabetes. There are literally entire aisles of food that I cannot eat (one supermarket I visit has an entire aisle of submarine sandwiches, pizza, and pasta dishes). And so I go crazy with gluten free goodies once in a while. I indulge and feel guilty. I question why I can’t just eat veggies and be happy.

I whined to my sister the other night about how it’s been more than 6 months of life after celiac disease and I still feel the urge to cry when I browse a supermarket. I feel lost. I feel sad. I feel overwhelmed. She agreed with how difficult it is trying to decipher what is gluten free and what isn’t. I stand there hopeful, plucking countless items off the shelf only to put them back feeling defeated. I often feel like giving up and leaving my nearly empty shopping cart in the middle of an aisle and heading to my car, but I don’t. I muscle through, trying to put on a happy face because thankfully someone out there knows that even gluten free peeps need to have a treat once in a while.

And so I had some cherry pie a la mode. It was delicious. I also had some of that gluten free coffee cake during the same weekend. Thankfully, I counted my carbohydrates carefully and took the appropriate insulin injection and had pretty happy blood sugars throughout (even a lovely 76 two hours after my treat). I forgive myself for cozying up to that dessert. I am proud of myself for also getting on the treadmill and playing tennis. I’m sure that played a part in the happy blood sugars I experienced. I’ll try to skip the extra treats during my next shopping trip. Still, I know that I am human. I know it will happen again.

Meagan Esler


One thought on “Shopping Cart Confession

  • October 14, 2016 at 12:19 am

    Aloha Megan
    I relate to your struggles with food. I’ve heard it called “emotional eating ” but I have so many emotions tied up around food that they seem totally connected. I have that overwhelmed feeling of not being able to figure out what I can eat and really saddened that I can’t be like the other people, free to choose. I’m trying not to shame myself around my sometimes poor choices. Not judging myself and trying to love whatever comes.
    So just letting you know that you’re not alone in this. I think you’re very brave to tell on yourself and I’m glad you shared. It makes me feel better knowing your out there struggling too.


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